I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
