I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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