Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
