How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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