He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I would ride that face into the sunset
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
