you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
