Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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