she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
the liver wants what the liver wants
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
