3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
