You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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