so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
