He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize