Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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