Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Randomize
