Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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