Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
