you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
