I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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