I wanna bring you to show and tell
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
