oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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