Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
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I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
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Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
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