READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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