I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
