For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
