I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Sext me about skeletons
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
