Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize