If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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