I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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