Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
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just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
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You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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