Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize