loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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