You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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