Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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