Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
