God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
