drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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