i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
