I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
