I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
