He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
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nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
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But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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