the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
