??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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