Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
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I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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