Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
