Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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