if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
