My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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