I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
What a dumb baby whore.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I have tasted many bathrooms
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
