when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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