we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
