think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
