It's just like the Real World with babies
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
