I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
