On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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