when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars