we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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