I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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